Learn how to recognize a psychopath, their characteristics and actions. See if you are at risk for being targeted and how to guard yourself against becoming a victim. Learn what happens when you are in a relationship with a psychopath, what it looks and feels like from the inside and outside. Notes from an interview with mental health professional and psychopath victim, Sara Elizabeth Brown.
Characteristics of Psychopaths
Are you at risk for being targeted by a psychopath? Characteristics of victims/targets.
“I felt like he was the one person who believed in me” -Sara Elizabeth Brown
On describing/depicting relationships with psychopaths
Actions of Psychopaths in a relationship
The stages of the psychopath relationship: Idealization, Devalue, Discard
How to guard yourself against psychopaths
“They can’t keep the mask up very long”- Sara Elizabeth Brown
I have been hosting Cuddle Up! events in Austin since February 2016. These events bring a group of people together for a consent, boundaries, and empowerment workshop followed by a guided, freestyle cuddling session.
“I learned you can say ‘no’ to someone for no reason, you don’t owe anyone anything” – Sara Elizabeth Brown
I strongly believe the longer and more frequently you expose yourself to something, the less painful or scary it is. This is my view on rejection and other uncomfortable situations. What makes them uncomfortable is that we don’t know how to deal with them and we take them to mean something personal about ourselves. Any rejection we experience is a personal failure. This is almost never true of rejection at a cuddling event.
I sat down with varsity cuddler Sara Elizabeth Brown, who has attended more than 100 cuddling events. Here’s what she had to say about the cuddle party atmosphere: “It can feel like a popularity contest sometimes but there might be real reasons why someone might not feel comfortable with you.” You cannot know the reasons someone has for rejecting you. And at Cuddle Up! no one can ask you “why” you rejected them, its part of the experience and makes saying “no” easier.
Men and women experience this event differently depending on their past experience. Many women who come into this space struggle with saying “no.” They often feel the need to accommodate especially their lovers or partners.
You may come here and feel compelled to say “yes” to someone who asks you to cuddle maybe you feel bad for them or just want to be nice. You must say “no.” This is so important. At this event you will learn to put your needs and wants first. Your needs are important and just as important as someone else’s.
Sara comments on the experience for men at cuddle events, “I feel like there’s a lot of learning and growth for particularly women in that environment and men too its just different. Men have to give up their entitlement… a lot of men get in touch with how great it is just to hold someone and not have take it to a sexual place, a lot of times they’re really trained through the culture to get their touch needs through sex.”
What actually happens at Faye Fearless’s Cuddle Up! events:
Cuddle Up! events are fully clothed, non-sexual events. Cuddle Up! is for everyone, all ages, all professions, all backgrounds, all relationships! I’ve had married couples attend together or one member of a couple come alone. I’ve had groups of friends, poly people, singles, asexuals, and kinksters. This is an inclusive and welcoming space.
If you don’t feel comfortable in a co-ed space I also host women’s only events (anyone who identifies as a woman is welcome.)
“What actually happens after all that boundary stuff, what actually happens at cuddle parties normally, is it becomes this blissful, oxytocin filed, mellow event, where people just meld into each other and they get very high from this oxytocin high. It is a high. Your body releases this love hormone.”
Live your life having only what you want ever, and know you can change your mind at any time, just because you start something doesn’t mean you have to finish it.
Come for a hug and a cuddle, and leave with an empowered sense of self.
You are in full control of your life, you just need to take charge and tap in to your power.
You will learn to recognize your needs and wants and you will leave feeling more comfortable, more brave, and more loved.
No one can read your mind.
From passive to active, changing the way we speak to clearly communicate our needs and wants.
How to get what you want:
1. Speak clearly and directly, always.
“You should have known how that would make me feel.”
“You hurt me. I did not want you to go out and I should have expressed that directly to you. I should not have just said ‘do what you want, I don’t care’ because that was not true.”
2. Never make your audience deduce meaning or solve for x (feelings, wants, needs).
“Do you want to get lunch?”
“I’m hungry and ready for lunch. Are you ready for lunch and would you like to get lunch with me in 10 minutes? I want indian food.”
3. Be overly specific in your expression of needs and wants.
“I want an orange.”
“I want to go to the farmer’s market this Saturday morning with you and buy some organic, naval oranges.”
4. Don’t wait. Do it right now.
You should express yourself when…
5. Your feelings are important and worthy of being expressed.
If there is anyone in your life that does not agree with this statement eliminate them. Not in the strictest sense though. They do not respect you and decrease your self respect, confidence, and independence.
6. Your needs and wants have great value.
You deserve to have your needs met and your wants considered. There is a difference between a need and a want. Make sure you know clearly if what you are asking for is a need or a want.
7. The needs and wants of others have great value.
Others deserve to have their needs met and their wants considered just as much as you do. Listen to others. Let them finish their thoughts without interruption of flow. Breakdown what they are saying and try to understand what they are expressing. Is it a feeling, need, or want? What are they asking from you? Mutual respect is the only way to get your needs met and your wants considered.
Still unsure how to clearly communicate what you want to? Sit down with someone you want to communicate better with. A partner, friend, or close family member. It should be someone you feel comfortable around to start. Each of you should answer the following questions. Answer each question one by one and discuss your answers to each after you have both answered.
Expressing how you feel:
* If you regularly rate your wants at a 4 or below you may be undervaluing yourself and may be struggling with expressing yourself because you feel your needs and wants are unworthy.
Do you submit to the will of others without realizing it?
Do you struggle to ask for what you want?
What does submissiveness really look like?
I don’t explicitly say how I feel. I want tacos. He wants subs. We eat subs. I say I’m fine, but I really want someone to ask me what’s wrong. I’m not interested in someone who is interested in me. But, to avoid awkwardness, I haven’t told them directly. I expect them to read the signs, which to me seem clear. My friend wants to date my ex. This makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I can’t say “no.”
What you want is just as valid as what someone else wants.
I struggle to say “no”, especially around certain people including my family, friends, and authority figures. I make decisions based on what is expected of me, because I feel pressured to do so.
Sometimes these decisions go against what I want for myself…
Submissiveness in the bedroom. Can you relate to these experiences?
I went to a networking event recently. It was basically a group of queer entrepreneurs and techies at a mixer promoting an upcoming SXSW panel.
I was not on my networking game this night. I was feeling pretty shy and unsure how to start a conversation with any one of the clique groups I saw standing about. Did they all know each other? Probably not, but that’s what I thought at the time.
Eventually I found some people I knew. I hovered around them awkwardly for a bit. A lady came over who knew the people I was hanging around and she started talking to me. She asked me what I do, but I could tell she was not invested in what I had to say. As soon as she could, she told me: what she did, what she could do to further my business and brand, she told me her name and asked me to connect with her on social media. She said she’d love to help me and loves helping small businesses.
She talked about her. She was trying to meet and greet in the most efficient way possible, by numbers. I didn’t remember her. I didn’t remember her name, until she found and friended me on Facebook a few days later.
Why? Because I also have something to sell to her. But we will probably never do business.
So what did she do wrong? Why was I not sold on her value proposition?
I don’t trust her. I don’t know her. She was not interested in me and she was not interesting or passionate enough for me to be interested in her and the products or services she is selling.
Here’s what she should have done: