Functionalist at Heart

I am a functionalist at heart. When I read a book it is because I perceive it will be useful or necessary to me in some way, not because I anticipate enjoyment from the act of reading. This is also the reason the I read 90% non-fiction. Keep reading and maybe I’ll tell you what the other 10% is.
Most of the time, the reason I stop reading a book is not because I don’t enjoy it but because I am paralyzed by my inaction after reading a particular section. This is most severe when reading entrepreneur-ish, business-y, and other possible self help books. The books that should be the most life changing and action inducing tend to be the ones I am forced to quit prematurely because I feel unprepared, unwilling, or unmotivated to take the action they suggest despite how fired I become while reading.
Two examples come to mind. I was gifted a book by a close friend and sort of business mentor, also an ex, but that’s another story. It was a random gift. There was no occasion. No birthday. No holiday. No thanks to be given for. No reason at all. It was purely and completely an act of altruism. It shook me. To receive it. I was genuinely surprised in his desire to give me a present for no reason. And this I find very sad. Perhaps the saddest thing ever. Perhaps.
The book is called Designing Your Life and it’s intended to do just that. The friend that gifted it said he had recently taken an online course from the authors and found it really useful and profound, although he had not actually read their book. He assumed it would be a similar experience. Apparently I had complained at him enough about not knowing what direction to take my life, my business, how to grow, should I grow, etc. Yes. Even Faye Fearless is not immune to self doubt, quite the opposite actually. I like to think of Faye as me, but also as standard to rise to, something to reach towards.
This book recommended a number of life assessment exercises and writing assignments and actually said at one point, as many self help books do, to stop and read no further until you complete the exercise, advice I ignored.
Take action when the thought comes to you, always, if possible. If possible, as in if there is any way you can, DO IT. Not if you want to. Not if it is convenient to. If it is POSSIBLE. Think about the meaning of the word for a minute before proceeding.
Write when you have an idea. Then. Do it then. Even if you write the idea down, it will not be the same to write on it at a later date. The muse is fleeting. And she will have gone long before you put touch to keys. Do not wait. I have struggled with this a lot. I get ideas when I read. It’s one of the reasons I do it at all. Because there are few other places I can almost guarantee inspiration. An environment for think tanking.
I’ve gotten a lot of good ideas lately, at least I presume them to be. Books I’ve been reading include a lifestyle design book, a book about internet marketing, and a book linking  and relating the figures of the witch, slut, and feminist, fascinating. Very different ideas have been spurned.
From the witches book I have come up with articles about consent, slut shaming, sexual assault/predator shaming (can you ever be forgiven for these kinds of mistakes?), gray areas, and first impressions. I have had ideas for articles, workshops, and discussion panels. I wrote these ideas down as I do. And I had a lot to write at the time. I was very excited about all the neurons I was firing, then I stopped reading, I never wrote about any of it, and that was it. Another muse lost to neverland.
My partner could tell you I have said “I really think I should write more” at least once a week for the last 2 years. My whole brand, the whole concept and character of Faye Fearless started, as very few know, with a flirting workshop for women who want to learn how to flirt with other women, because as one friend told me, “I got game”. An idea that never came to fruition <<what up with that word. From the flirting workshop, Faye Fearless was to be a strong female figure, unafraid, unashamed to talk about herself, sexuality, anything and everything uncomfortably interesting. From this concept sprouted the blog, a female empowerment space for me to write about subjects that interested me, inspired me, or that I found important and relevant. I failed at consistency. And SEO.
I’m currently blogging in the style my brain works, constantly interrupting itself with commentary, meta-analysis, and critiquing what I am doing in real time. What you’re experiencing right now is my thoughts as they arrive, unfiltered, and mostly unedited.
I’m sorry.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: