Things that make you passive, submissive, overly accommodating, or quiet.

Read through the list below, check mark anything you recognize in your own life.

I don’t stand up for myself when…

  • I am tired
  • I have low self worth or value
  • I have low self confidence
  • I am embarrassed
  • I feel uncomfortable
  • It is a taboo subject
  • I am at work
  • I’m with my kids
  • I am with authority figures
  • I am with a dominant person
  • I don’t value my own needs or wants
  • It’s not important enough to speak up
  • I don’t want drama
  • I feel it will not make a difference
  • I am being bullied
  • I am being socially pressured
  • I don’t want to complain
  • I don’t want to be annoying
  • I don’t want to be noticed
  • I don’t want to cause an argument
  • I am being passive aggressive
  • I think others should know how I feel
  • I think my partner should intuitively know my needs
  • I am in a group with more people than I feel comfortable expressing myself in front of
  • I am depressed
  • I am not feeling well mentally or physically

These are your triggers. Know them.

Do you feel less comfortable expressing your needs and wants to a particular person?

Exercises:
Write a list of people you have at times been unable to say “no” to. Include as few or as many names as you can recall.

Here’s what my list looks like:

  • My Grandmother
  • My Mom
  • That one, scary, dominant, ex-sheriff uncle
  • My teachers
  • Other figures of authority in my life

Who in your life do you most like to accommodate? Write down the names and your relationship to them. This can include people you make sacrifices for, people you like to see happy, those you live with and care for. It can also include people you know professionally or friends. For me, it’s a short list which includes: myself (this is always #1), and my current romantic partner.

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