Don’t oblige anyone. Out of respect or subservience.
Question everything. Why am I doing this? Is this good for me?
I’d like to start by talking a little about myself, about my own biases, and how I view this topic. The importance of recognizing bias especially as an author, to me, is under considered. I know my own history, but you don’t. I would like to share my history with you over the course of this blog so each article can be more objective or at least more understood.
I am a dominant woman. I’ve always been this way, I think. It is not necessarily related to confidence, it is more so how I think and act. I speak my mind with ease. I let people know how I feel, what I want, and when I want it. If something is making me unhappy you will know. I do complain, but I don’t see it as a bad thing. I don’t expect everyone or everything to cater to me. But I do think it is better that they are known rather than not. When my needs are vocalized I am leaving it up to other people to decide if they are willing and happy to cater to them. If I keep it to myself, I have taken power away from the ones I care about. I am devaluing my own needs by not expressing them.
If my needs are not expressed they are non-existent in the eyes of others. I am not giving those who care about me the benefit of knowing my needs. Some may see this as complaining. The act of complaining is often viewed as negative. It is discouraged. A person who complains is looked down upon, viewed as weak, as not being capable of dealing with hardship or pain. Why?
I think the reason lies in our inability to empathize with the person complaining. We cannot understand their pain. We cannot see why it is affecting them so much. We cannot understand why they would need to vocalize it, especially if it is not a pain we ourselves would disclose. If their pain tolerance is different than yours they will be judged. Even though I can’t see their reasons this does not mean the reasons are not there.
If I were someone else, if I grew up in their childhood home, with their family telling me stories, bringing me to church, being part of their community I would be them. If I went to their school, was bullied by their bullies, experienced their loss and hardship I would be them. Why would you set a standard for someone else based on your own life experiences? Just think a minute about this.
Your standard is not mine. So stop judging me by yours.