It’s not like that! – a commentary on poly comedy “You Me Her”

A trailblazing new comedy centered on polyamorous relationships.

You Me Her is not your standard rom com. Or even standard polyromance. The circumstances surrounding this married couples entry into the world on non-monogamy is strange. An escort, an ex-lesbian, and a best intentioned husband become entangled and two lovers become three.

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Jack and Emma are not polyamorous. They are an average, middle-aged, monogamous married couple. They were not looking for love.

Over the course of a few unconventional days, Jack and Emma found themselves questioning everything they thought they knew about themselves, their marriage, and love itself. They found themselves falling back in love but not with each other. There was another woman, but it wasn’t a secret. It wasn’t cheating. It was a trio of loves, the start of a polyamorous journey. A never expected trail.

Jack and Emma had no role models and no clue how to navigate these feelings for another woman. But the feelings are too strong to ignore. So they will try. They will struggle. They will love and they will fall, but they will do it together, at least, for now.

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Polyamory, or many loves, is a type of non-monogamous relationship structure. Monogamous relationships involve 2 people that are exclusively involved with one another. Polyamory is a freeform relationship structure and could include: trios, families, or complex trees with branches of lovers stemming form a central couple. What is common to all polyamorous relationships are core values of trust, honesty, and openness. Other lovers are brought in with the knowledge and acceptance of all partners involved.

My perspective on this new series is internal to the polyamory subculture. I am poly, a lesbian, and a woman.

There is very little reference to polyamory or non-monogamous relationships in television today. It’s just not well represented yet. Showtime’s Polyamory: Married & Dating (2012-2013) was a reality tv series that followed two poly families as they navigated life and their relationships. This series was hyper-sexualized but accurately portrayed the benefits and hardships of these relationships. Polyamory is highlighted in individual episodes of other reality shows including MTV’s True Life and Montel Williams.

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I am both excited and nervous to see how You Me Her will present and navigate the world of polyamory. I hope it will be an accurate representation of the community and its values.

The basis for this show I find a bit unaccessible. The concept of a married couple falling in love with an escort seems far-fetched and unrealistic. What is accessible though is feeling attraction to someone outside of your relationship and even developing feelings for them. Although many of us would like to think we are blinded by our love, we do notice others. We notice when they are attractive. And we can start to feel attracted to another person physically or emotionally. Maybe it presents itself as a close friendship. They might be feeling you would never act on. Or they may be feelings you struggle to admit you are having. I feel this attraction is natural and that you should not feel ashamed. Your eyes work, congrats.

I am excited to see how this plays out and how the show’s creators will approach topics of jealousy, bisexuality. emotional fidelity, relationship negotiations, and how to deal with family and friends.

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